Grace loves her dance class. It has been a relief. I got so worked up over this decision.
The dance world scares me. I never want to put my girl in a position where she is asked, or worse, taught to do inappropriate things with her body. And I never want her to feel bad about the way she is built either. While these things wouldn't necessarily surface in a class of 5-year-old kids, I felt strongly that choosing a studio was putting us on a path. And if dance is something she is going to want to do for a while, I wanted her started off on the right foot... as it were.
There is an excellent classical ballet studio nearby that I was very excited about. Dancers of all shapes and sizes. Impressive productions. Accomplished instructors. But as I went through the registration process I learned that if she was going to participate in any of the recitals she would need to be in a repitoire class in addition to the technique class. I completely accept that talents require serious time commitments, particularly as the student becomes more advanced. Also, I fully expect there to be extra rehearsals leading up to a recital. But just starting out, I worried that two classes a week would be overkill for all of us.
In full freak out mode, I began researching all the dance studios within the radius I was willing to drive. As I had feared, many of the websites featured pictures of young girls deplorably dressed. And I'm not worried about spaghetti strapped leotards here. I'm talking about mid drifts galore, or having a 9-year-olds dressed in knee high socks, plaid mini skirts and white shirts unbuttoned down a few too many. Many of the sites were also littered with information and requests to help fundraise for competition teams. I just wanted someplace safe where she could 1. go to class once a week 2. learn sound dance principals and 3. have the experience of dancing in a recital without being dressed like a hoochie. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?
I received a recommendation for a new dance studio that is in a great location to us. I looked it up and was impressed. I was told that while the owners are not members of our Church, many of the instructors are, and the music and costumes used in recitals reflect a standard of tastefulness. I called up my friend who was a ballerina for her whole pre-mommy life and we went and checked it out together. The studio is perfect for what we were looking for. Little girls get to be little girls. They follow the classical dress code: black leotards, pink tights, etc. Classes are once a week. Everyone gets to participate in the recital.
So I signed her up. The hour long ballet classes are only offered for dancers who are 7 and older. I chose a tap, ballet, acrobatics combo class for Gracie. But the Academy of Classical Ballet, the ballet-only studio I mentioned at the start, was still heavy in my brain. Even as I was filling out the paperwork I struggled a little. My internal debate sounded like this:
You want her at the best ballet studio.
Yes, but it feels like it will be too much right now. She just started school, and piano...
She would adjust and get used to things.
Sure, but I want her to have fun and enjoy it too.
What if she wants to stick with this? Wouldn't it be better for her to start out at the best place?
This place is good too. Right?
But what if she is at a disadvantage to her peers because she didn't start at the academy?
I don't know, isn't this stuff a combination of talent and mentality, not just exposure?
Right about here, my ballerina friend, who was happily signing her daughter up for a younger class leaned over and whispered to me, as though she could hear every thought running through my head, "You know, this is the best of everything. If Grace wants to be serious about ballet, you can always transfer studios in a year or two and she would be just fine. But for now, she will be learning and moving and it will be so much fun for her."
And it has been so much fun for her. She still loves the ballet portion of class, but she is equally excited about tap and over the moon for the tumbling stuff ("Mom, I will finally learn how to do a cartwheel!"). Her class is very small. For the first month it was her and 1 or 2 other girls and two instructors. Now that school is in full swing the class is up to 5 girls with only 1 instructor, but that is still a great ratio. And so, we are happy. We told her when we started with the class that she would need to stick with it through the school year, and that she wouldn't get to do any other extra curriculars. After the Spring recital next year, she can choose if she wants to do dance for another year or try something new.
I've learned so much from this experience with her. And all these lessons are so obvious. No doubt my eyebrows would be raised in the "no duh!" position were I reading this from someone else. Though these things make eternal sense, I had to fight a few inner demons to put them into practice.
I want her to have the best opportunities and push her because I know she is capable.
But, as my Mama wisely pointed out to me, Grace and I are like-minded. She will always rise to the expectations we give her, for better or worse. And she loves doing everything and puts out quality effort. It is a situation that will serve her well as she gets older, but one of my priorities for her right now is to make sure she keeps an age-appropriate schedule.
I want her to find the things that she loves and be careful not to push the things that I would love for her. I want her to thrive in the things she is busy with. I want them to build her up mind, body and spirit. She needs to have a clear voice in what these things will be.
Though it always feels like it to me for some reason, the decisions we make right now are not necessarily determining the rest of her life. I drove myself crazy worrying about when to start her in kindergarten, because she was ready to go in early. And then I stressed over which school to put her in, as though the exact place and timing of her first year of school would have some cosmic effect on the person she will become 20 years from now. Similarly, when I went about finding a dance studio for her it was like I was looking for a studio for an 18-year-old prima ballerina Grace to attend. Not 5-year-old Grace who just wants to dance and take a turn on the stage.
My job right now is to expose her to lots of different experiences so that she can find her talents, all the while keeping a protective eye.
She doesn't need to be in the trenches of a talent at age 5 in order to be good at it when she is older. Without question, the exposure helps. But she will excel at the things she has raw talent for and interest in regardless of the age she begins.
I recently watched an episode of Hulu's "Day in the Life" series about Misty Copeland. She is one of 6 kids raised outside of Manhattan by a single mom. There wasn't much money to go around in her family, but her mom was always working to expose her to the arts. As a pre-teen, Copeland watched the American Ballet Theater's production of
Don Quixote. She said to herself, "I can do that. I will do that." And so at 13, she attended her first ballet class. It was in a basketball court and was conducted through the Boy's and Girl's Club. She was dressed in sweats and socks. 4 years later she was dancing with the American Ballet Theater. She is now one of the only african american soloists in ABT history. She said, "I like to say that ballet found me." Isn't this what we all want for our kids? For them to be in a place where their talents are revealed, be it math, or dance, or chess, or bagpipes, or art, or kindness?
When I really boil down this experience, it is clear to me that it was always about more than just dance. I see all the raw pieces of goodness that make up my children. I see the blank canvases of their lives. The potential of it all! I realize my job in guiding the brushstrokes that will paint the pictures of who they will become. The temptation is great to take control and force the developing images. There are things that we as parents are responsible for influencing and enforcing - spiritual development, academic performance, social awareness... And individual family environments splash the background. But the rest of the portrait is better left for each to discover and create.
