Grant made a full-on face plant off of his bike earlier this week. His right cheek turned into a big lumpy bruise which seeped up into his eyes. (The bruise is just barely visible in this picture.) He spent maybe 5 minutes whining about the actual injury. He then spent the rest of the day and into the next whining about the placement of the bandaid. He wanted it just so, wanted to put it on by himself, didn't care if it was hanging over his lip (during dinner), wanted to sleep with it on his face... And then he cried for about an hour after we finally took the bandage off. 3-year-olds! But seriously, this guy whines. so. much. The pouting and tear filled stand-offs were getting to be a bit much. As in, we were spending entire days where the only communication he made was through whines, pouts, and tears.I've been working on giving more one-on-one time and immediate attention to him. I've also been dedicating more time to consequences for behavior, good and bad. The special attention seems to be helping. He is more cheerful and agreeable, and his grumpy spells are shorter lived.
I am grateful that I get to be around my children all the time. In quite moments thinking about them, I've been encouraged to pay close attention to their behavior now so that I can know what to do when they are teenagers. So, here are a few notes for future me:
- Grant doesn't ask for attention or approval the way Grace does. It is still important to him! Look for opportunities to give it.
- When he pushes you away, give him some space and quiet time. Forcing conversation/confrontation will only encourage him to dig in his heals and not say anything to you - for a long time.
- He is more likely to talk and/or say sorry when you are hugging him. (This may not be the case for teen-aged Grant. But try.)
- Be crystal clear about boundaries, and hold fast to consequences. Even with those brown eyes and dimples of his.
5 comments:
His hair looks lighter to me. Give him a kiss from me.
Just to give you a little bit a hope. Lizzy was so whiney. I remember think I don't know if I can live with this kid until she is 18. I just can't be her whining post anymore (and then of course feeling horrible about it.) Then she turned four and it was like a light switch fliped and she changed. She stopped whining and became the sweetest, caring little girl. So here is to hoping that four makes all the difference.
Mom- His hair looks kinda weird to me in this picture too. Must be the light...
Ina- That is good to hear. Grant has moments of heart-breaking sweetness. Things have been a lot better. I realize how much of the fussiness was in part, and in this case, my fault. Thank goodness kids are so forgiving!
We had that problem to. it is true 4 year olds are much better BUT, we learned from a child psychologist to start the "whiny timer". When our kids would whine we would challenge them to whine for 10 min and set the timer. It sure stopped it fast because the reverse psychology that we "wanted" them to whine took all the fun away. Try it. LOVES!!
I love that you made these notes; I think you are right that it will help all through his life. Isn't it interesting how different each child is? By the way, the "terrible threes" was more appropriate for us than the "terrible twos". :)
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